Never Eat Alone is about the power of relationships. Ferrazzi’s philosophy on life is that you can’t succeed without the help of others. Ferrazzi’s main tool is generosity to connect with the world around him, which includes helping friends connect with other friends. The title of the book comes from the image of sharing meals with others as one way to involve other people in what you’re doing. Never Eat Alone, draws a lot of Ferrazzi’s experiences growing his business and a lot of the advice is career oriented. He also believes in having processes to maintain and develop your relationships. One such process is a Relationship Action Plan where you:
Set goals for every three months and year, three years out Identify the people, places, and things required to meet those goals Reach out to the people who can help you achieve your goals. If you’ve read Dale Carnegie’s, How to Win Friends and Influence People, you’ll be sure to enjoy this as well.
Interpersonal skills and Emotional Intelligence areas I have bumped up in priority significantly having spent many years being a shy and introverted kid, living in my internal world and crafting my logical side. I have been averse to the term "networking" for a while, I didn't get it and it also feel desperate and scammie to me. There are people who can Network right and make meaningful connections and this book is another step to make learnings in that area.
Success in any field, but especially in business is about working with people, not against them. - Keith Ferrazzi Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone. - Margaret Wheatley Today’s most valuable currency is social capital, defined as the information, expertise, trust, and total value that exist in the relationships you have and social networks to which you belong. - Keith Ferrazzi It’s better to give before you receive. And never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit. - Keith Ferrazzi
NEVER EAT ALONE
"Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone." - Margaret Wheatley
Really like this point
"Poverty, I realized, wasn't only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people who could help you make more of yourself."
Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful.
"Everyone has the capacity to be a connector."
"There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success." - George Burton Adams
Some of Farrazzi's lessons and insights from creating lasting relationships
Goal Setting Process
Step One: Find Your Passion
"A goal is a dream with a deadline"
"Disciplined dreamers all have one thing in common: a mission.[..] The kind of discipline that turns a dream into a mission, and a mission into a reality, really just comes down to a process of setting goals."
Step Two: Putting Goals to Paper
Relationship action plan:
Criteria to consider when filling our your Relationship Action Plan:
Now, take Action.
Step Three: Create a Personal "Board of Advisors"
Gather a Personal Board of Advisors who can help keep you accountable to your goals. This board can include family, friends, mentors, etc.
Some areas where you can create the kind of community to help your career
Becoming comfortable in social situations
When feeling nervous about discussing a problem, learn from these pointers by DeAnne Rosenberg
Enjoyed this comment from Nancy Badore, an executive coach, who visited Keith's office:
"Keith, look at all the pictures on your wall. You talk about aspiring to become a great leader, and there's not one picture in your whole office of anybody buy you: you with other famous people, you in famous places and winning awards. There's not a picture in here of your team or of anything that might indicate what your team has accomplished that would lead anybody like me to know that you care for them as much as you care for yourself."
Way's to avoid becoming a networking jerk
"Spectacular achievement is always preceded by spectacular preparation." - Robert H. Schuller
Try to find out more about knew people ahead of time.
Warming up a cold call
Warming up virtually(email)
"In building a network, remember: Above all, never, ever disappear."
I kinda disagree with this one. There needs to be times for solo introspection and then time for outward connection. Maybe let people know you'll be unreachable for a period of time.
When traveling somewhere where you have many people to see and little time for one of ones, invite them all to join you for dinner.
I've been doing this domestically! And it really works wonders and helps to cultivate my existing relationships while, connection people with each other. I've had people become best friends because of dinner's I've hosted.
Another idea is to have virtual group meetings to keep in touch with people.
"Friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity."
"Make a list of the things you're most passionate about. Use your passions as a guide to which activities and events you should be seeking out. Use them to engage new and old contacts."
"Follow-Up is the key to success in any field."
Follow up with the acquaintances you meet, give yourself 12-24 hours.
[Good story about how Susan Cain prepared for her TED talk on pg 124]
Draft Off a Big Kahuna
Talk to the big speakers before they've hit the stage, you will have difficulty talking with them after their talk and their popularity boost.
Be an Information Hub
Know the logistics of the conference and spread that information with the attendees. Know the local restaurants, private parties and people to meet at the event. People will want to know you.
Become a Reporter
Use social media to communicate about the conference. Twitter is great for this as it is more public and you can utilize hashtags so people can find conference related tweets quicker. A post-conference report about what went on is a great way to make people gravitate to you.
Master the Deep Bump
This is the ability to form a connection quickly with the opportunity for follow-up after the conference. Remember genuine eye contact and listening more than talking.
Know Your Targets
Keep a list beforehand of the people you'd like to meet at a conference.
Breaks Are No Time to take a Break
Breaks are prime opportunities to form new connections.
Henry Kissenger technique for commanding a room: "Enter the room. Step to the right. Survey the room. See who is there. You want other people to see you(doing this)."
Business Cards are an invitation for follow-up! Don't like that gold mine of cold business cards gather dust, reach out to people.
It's the People, Not the Speakers
Don't only go there for the speaker, meet the people.
Research by sociologist Mark Granovetter, in 1974, found that 56% of people surveyed found their current job through a personal connection.
These number should be wayy higher in the hyper connected digital era we are in now.
The point is that, Personal Contacts are the key to opening doors.
Connectors of various professions:
Connect with the connectors
Small talk is important. But it's not all about talking. Small, subtle interactions can have big impact.
Learn the Power of Nonverbal Cues
Develop Conversational Currency
Adjust Your Johari Window
Make a Graceful Exit
Until We Meet Again
Learn to Listen
Give Good Chat
If All Else Fails, Five Words That Never Do
"There are three things in this world that engender deep emotional bonds between people. They are health, wealth, and children."
"When you help someone through a health issue, positively impact someone's personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty."
"There's something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: It spreads and cascades." - Adam Grant
What Smart Givers Do:
Give to Givers: Smart givers recognize takes and are cautious about giving to them, preferring to focus their efforts on those who might pay it forward.
Feed Your Network First: They channel giving to bolster their social ties - in other words, they are aware of the need to nurture their own networks.
Calendar Time for Giving: They "consolidate their giving" into chunks of energy and attention, which increased their sense of gratification and allows them to protect other time for productive work on their own projects.
Become a practitioner of Social Arbitrage, distribute knowledge and connections through your networks.
Overhearing a problem is an opportunity to help by leveraging your network and knowledge.
Maintaining Relationships & Staying Front of Mind:
Don't forget birthdays. Everyone cares about his or her birthday.
Dinner Party Tips:
"Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects ... the quality of the connections is the key." - Charles Eames
Ideas are contagious, spread them through your network.
"Introduce mindfulness in your social media strategy. when you log on, especially during the workday, make sure it's time that adds up to progress on your goals."
The Algebra of Trust
Generosity + Vulnerability + Accountability + Candor = Trust
"Share your process. Grape, fail, adapt, repeat - and do it all with the attention and the guidance of those who care enough to follow along."
"Anyone who wants to achieve something extraordinary needs a plan."
"To move others, you have to speak beyond yourself."
10 Tips on Helping you to become an Expert
"Regardless of age, regardless of position, regardless of the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You." - Tom Peters
Develop a Personal Branding Message
The best brands have a distinct message.
"What do you want people to think when they hear or read your name?"
"What produce or service can you best provide?"
"Take your skills, combine them with your passions, and find out where in the market, or within your own company, they can best be applied."
Write a list of words you would like people to think of when referring to you.
A personal website is a good marketing tool for your brand.
"The world is your stage. Your message is your "play". The character you portray is your brand. Look the part; live the part."
Promoting Your Brand
"Fame breeds fame."
"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." - Jane Howard
"Can't join a club? Organize your own." - Benjamin Franklin
"To teach is to learn again." - H.J. Brown
When seeking a mentor, instead of asking, first try to help that person and show your value. "Consider their needs and how you can assist them."
"Connecting with others doubles and triples your opportunities to meet with people who can lead to a new and exciting job."
"Oscar Wilder once suggested that if people did what they loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day ion their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you, why concern yourself with "balancing" anything at all?"
"Nothing is more important today then having a people powered infrastructure, freed from the constraints of time and space by technology, to provide you with a flow of opportunities and lifelong learning."
"Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so the world will at least be a little bit different for our having through it." - Rabbi Harold Kushner
Find inner peace and and power through connection.